Updated and sort-of-simplified design:
http://www.earth.org.uk/laptop-12V-mains-fallback-schema-2-full.gif
Also available as XCircuit PostScript file:
http://www.earth.org.uk/laptop-12V-mains-fallback-schema-2.ps
Note that I still don't want to risk yoking the supply outputs together completely, and I want to draw no mains power when there is battery, and essentially no battery current (microamps at most) when running off mains.
Thanks for all the suggestions: I'll let you know how it pans out...
Rgds
Damon