Where are all my clip leads?

[zap]

I've decided to go on a man hunt!

OK... it's probably not a man I'm after but I'm pretty sure it's a 'he'.

Let me explain...

Are you like me?  In your lifetime you've probably bought 2 dozen or more clip leads and made a dozen more.  You go to grab a couple and there are none to be found that aren't already in use and you know for sure there should be 3 or 4, somewhere, sitting unused but try as you might, you just can't find them.

Now I'm sure we'd all confess that there are a half dozen or so that we've trashed and tossed out.  The ones that we vaporized the alligator clips off of when we didn't realize the ends were touching and we hooked the opposite ends up to that battery.   Or the ones we stepped on and bent the clips ... repeatedly... and got tired of trying to bend them back into place... repeatedly... so the jaws meshed.

I'm not talking about those, I'm talking about the ones that just vanish.

Well I finally realized what has happened to them.

There's a guy that lives in my house.  I think he's pretty darn small because I've never seen him and I've never been able to find where he hides but it can't be that small of a space because not only does he keep my clip leads there... he keeps other thing there as well.

I'm pretty sure he uses socks for a bed.

Some how he can get into my dryer and he steals socks!  Odd thing is, he won't steal a pair of socks... oh no... he will steal only one sock at a time.  I think he's small enough that he's also using the socks as a sleeping bag.  It shows he's smart too... because he never steals a dirty sock, he waits till it's nice and warm from the dryer.

Sometimes it's that way with the clip leads, many times he'll only take one.

He likes food.

Go to the cupboard for some cereal and he's left only a quarter of a bowl full.

One cookie left in the package... come on... just eat the last one too!

A package of rice with a couple of teaspoons left.

Cigarette lighters?  I assume he's here in the house but since I've never found his spot it's probably dark... but I have flashlights around and he's never taken any of those?  Could be he's not only a kleptomaniac but he's a pyromaniac as well.  Maybe he smokes but... I'm pretty sure I'd smell it?

Many of you are probably thinking, "Why don't you just fumigate the house and kill him?"

That's a good question but I fear by doing that... I'll never find out where he's stashing everything.  So why do I want to find his hiding place?  I mean, after all, what's a few socks, some cigarette lighters, a couple of pocket knives, and some jumper wires in the grand scheme of things?  Well...

Every year about this time when many of us are doing our taxes we get to the bottom line and ask ourselves where all the money went.  Well... guess where all that money went.  You got it!

You know all that money that you have no idea where it went is?  Yup... that sucker's got it stashed!

And he's not only an out and out thief... he's mischievous to boot!

You clean the house and a few day later the place is an absolute mess?  Yeahhhh.... it's him.

He seems to really like carrying things around which, in and of itself isn't a bad thing.  The problem is he never seems to leave them where he picked them up... he'll always set them down in a different location.

Keys.

Remote controls.

Wallets. (This is where he gets a lot of my money... How many times have you thought "I know I had a twenty in there"?)

Pens and pencils.

Phone bills,  Public Service bills, water bills. (which he never pays... even though he has loads of my money stashed away!)

Tools. (oh man does he like moving my tools... probably more than any other item... well...except maybe my keys...)

Cordless phone and cell phone.  (I'm actually hoping he steals either phone so I can find his hiding spot.  If he steals the cordless phone, I can use the paging function and hopefully be able to hear it beeping.  If he steals the cell phone I can call it and hopefully hear it ring... or maybe hack it's GPS function?... someday... maybe someday...)

Sun glasses and reading glasses.(The reading glasses show just how stealthy he is... on a few occasions he's actually been able to hide the glasses on my head without me feeling a thing!!!)

He has now started moving my mp3 player.

Important information!!!

I pretty sure he's afraid of anything powered by AC because I've never had anything stolen or moved by him when it's plugged in.

Also, even though he's strong for his size, I've never noticed him steal or move furniture or appliances.

One day I'll find him and his hiding spot and when I do I think I'll move.

I can sell off all the stuff he's taken and with all that loot he's stashed over the years... my new address will be somewhere on Easy St.

P.S.  Those of you who don't live alone can ignore most of the above because it's always your spouse, child, parent, significant other, or roommate that's responsible.  I guess if you're really well off... it could be the maid... or butler... or both?

For those times when the wife comes home from a week long visit with her mother and the house is a mess... you have my permission to print off the above and submit it as evidence that you're not to blame.

zap

[12AX7]

Hello...

I recall hearing a story when I was a little boy, it was about "the blue guys".

The blue guys are the "stage hands"  that work behind the curtains.  They are responsible keeping things in order and balance.  When you enter a room expecting to find your favorite toy car but instead find a pile of coat hangers..  or when you open a closet to get a close hanger but instead find your dogs leash, open the clothes hamper to dump in your dirty underwear.. only to find your test leads.   Its the fault of the blue guys..   screwing up setting up the "stage".   It sure has heck wasn't ME failing to put things in their proper place!

and don't confuse the "blue guys" with that blue man group.  

ax7

Mark

[jaskiainen]

Yea!

I know those guys.

I believe they have small surgery equipment as well. Many times you wake up and realize that you don't remember a thing of last night. Those little *** have done you a surgery and take a few brain cells and all there is left is a headache from that surgery.

I believe these guys live in another dimension and only come here now and then to mess with our lives. I can't be sure but i think i once saw one of them using a teleport of somekind to go to his own dimension. And yes he was very little of a man. Only four or five inches tall...

[bj]

   Zap--This won't help, but I am pretty sure your guy has a twin brother.  And, we know where he is living, RIGHT HERE.  Used to blame it on the cat, but no cat now, so can't be that.  Better half almost never goes in the shop, so can't be her.  I thought I was starting to lose it, but thanks to you, I know it's not me.

   I am forever in your debt for steering me in the right direction on this.

[ghurd]

His female cousin lives here.

I know she is female because she is picky.

A male has no problem pulling a furnace motor out of someone's garbage.  A female would never settle with using scrap or common items.

She only takes the test leads that have good solid reliable connections.

She only takes the meters that have non-blown fuses in the amp settings.

She only takes the new one-of-a-kind motors and curved neos.

She only takes the working lighters, and replaces them with empty ones.

She only takes the fets that were special ordered for a specific project.

And she has an uncanny ability to only take what I need to use today or tomorrow.

G-

[kurt]

is this little guy any relation to that fella "not me" that destroys stuff in factories and homes with children in it?? i used to work maintenance at a wire drawing plant i saw more destroyed stuff and more stories about some guy named not me than i ever have in my life.  

[bj]

   You know Kurt, that might just be his name.

   I heard a rumor the other day, just a rumor, mind, so I don't know for sure, that "not me" has an older brother named Murphy.  Apparently Murphy is involved in Law somehow.

[zap]

I've always wondered if this guy has anything to do with that strange condition that makes you throw something away 2 to 6 weeks before you need the same thing you just threw away.

[divemaster1963]

My wife always says I'm just getting old and forget full. (wait a min. I'll remember what I was talking about).Oh yea I tell her she full of it. I just printed this off to prove to her that it had to be someone doing all that stuff to me.

maybe now she will stop laugh ing at me when it atart looking for the parts I need to have my fun in my shop.

[fabricator]

That sucker steals socks at my house.

[bj]

   And moves that AC clutch that you need to the very bottom of the barrel?

[fabricator]

And causes everything you drop to roll to the most inaccessible part of the shop, and become invisible.

[SparWeb]

Aw, HE is the guy who chewed through my multimeter leads!  Oh wait, that was my wife's goat wasn't it?

[Ungrounded Lightning Rod]

I thought washers and driers ate them.

[Ungrounded Lightning Rod]

A science fiction author once discovered that paper clips were the larval stage of wire coat hangers and eventually matured into french racing bikes.

[zap]

rofl!