Hi,
If you were thinking on those lines then I suspect that you should rectify all three phases (standard 6-diode stuff) to get something that never drops to zero and is much more 'DC' and thus never lets your coil drop out.
You might be able to get away with something as crude as this:
Find your coil resistance (pref pick a fairly high resistance coil, ie sensitive relay, to avoid gratuitously wasting power in the coil IMHO), and put in series with it a variable resistor of maybe 2x the resistance. That might just about give you enough control, simply, but don't sue me!
(It might also be wise to put the normal back-EMF diode across the relay coil to protect everything else in the circuit from coil spikes.)
Rgds
Damon